Make an Example of Me

hiatus over, insomnia continues

All the words and the ink and the marks
That can’t be read but show up nonetheless
Maybe I thought of you, and I had wanted to see you there
In the shadows and the curtains; in the darkened corners
As I inevitably shattered into the million pieces that I
Had never really been holding together
I admit I did forget, not just the quiet form darkening my doorway
But all the waiting and the lows that were enough
To force hopelessness down my throat
I slipped free of my chains only to discover
Myself; just as fouled and weak as I always imagined
Those pieces flew up off me — had they been bats in the night
All along. What am I made of. Hedonistic shreds and
The darkening bruises of indiscretion
Imprudence so grand that the fallen one himself would blush
I came to this place quietly and I will leave just the same
I am not transformed, but unleashed.
Pulled at the edge of this tether for far too long
The tight circle of my allowance that might have held
If it weren’t for the fact that I am the serpent, the apple,
And the sin
Salvation be a lie, just like the ones I told myself
When you knew all along, you knew the truth
Before I forged my own and now don’t I look the fool
Feathers ruffled and skin broken open in all the soft,
Pale places where I pressed my own knife, unable to stop
I stare out across this glacial silence and realise that
We were out of time before we started
Away from home, the trees looked different and it was
Too late to pay all that I owed, I found words were worth nothing
And the storm that I weathered couldn’t rage on
I had convinced myself that nothing would be as harrowing
As the beginning that we both endured; that first breach;
That inceptive, brutal perforation
How often I am wrong