The Bunny

An Easter story for my nephew, Clancy John, for when he is old enough to read it and realise that his Aunty Al was always a little bit messed up.

For you, CJ.

The Bunny

I didn’t call you.

I didn’t call you at all.

Nevertheless, nevertheless

You steamed to me over the sea,

Fat and red, a placenta

— Sylvia Plath, Medusa

~ ~ ~

“Why don’t you want to leave out some carrots?”

CJ shrugged and wished his mum would leave him alone about the whole Easter Bunny business.

“Clancy, you’re seven now. You don’t need to listen to what those other kids at school say. They’re only trying to scare you.”

“I don’t listen to them mum,” he lied, forking his macaroni around his plate. “I just don’t really feel like leaving out the carrots tonight.”

His mum sighed, but at the same time she seemed to give up. She stood and cleared away the plates and CJ was happy the conversation was over.

His dad fought the case next. “CJ. We know that you’re a big boy now, but that doesn’t mean you have to pretend to be something you’re not.” CJ’s dad had always been that way — trying to make too big a point, too soon. “We can have hot-cross buns and marshmallow rabbits and chocolate eggs and all the things you like. Tomorrow will be fun, you’ll see.”

CJ knew it would be a nice day. That wasn’t the thing he was fighting his parents on. “Mum, Dad. I’m not trying to be naughty, I just don’t want to put any carrots out. I don’t want the — “ he hesitated, “ — the Easter Bunny to come tonight.”

CJ saw his mum giggle quietly at the sink as she scraped off the dirty plates. 

“CJ, son,” his dad started, seemingly determined to fight the case, “are you worried that if the Easter Bunny brings you gifts, the other kids at school will make fun of you?”

CJ was starting to get angry and his voice got loud. “Dad, I don’t care about the kids at school, I just don’t want that big Bunny near me.”

In the kitchen his mum turned around and her eyes were wide with surprise. “Clancy John, you will not raise your voice when you speak to your father.”

CJ felt the hot blush rise up into his cheeks and regretted saying anything at all. His macaroni was going hard and dry on his plate. He should have kept quiet about the stupid Bunny. He looked at his dad and noticed the man’s eyes were tired and wet. CJ looked back down again.

“Alright young man,” his mother said quietly, “I think it’s time you hit the hay. We’ll see you in the morning. But there will be no Easter treats for you, I’m afraid.”

CJ could breathe. No treats, thank goodness. He felt a wave of relief — The Bunny wasn’t going to come tonight.

~ ~ ~

A book and a glass of water were allowed him, and the fan was on the lowest speed — just enough to keep the air moving and the scary sounds at bay. 

CJ tried to focus on his reading, but every minute or so he found himself looking out the window. He was waiting for The Bunny. Sure, his mum had said it wasn’t coming, but CJ knew better than that. 

The trees rustled and the winded picked up and the night was full of whispering and jumps that he couldn’t ignore. He wished he had finished his macaroni — he always felt sleepier with a full tummy. Tonight he felt hollow and filled with nothing but worry. Nothing but thoughts of The Bunny.

The Bunny. 

CJ knew about pretend things. Things that were in his books. Things that were on the television. Things that didn’t exist in the world where he lived. Make-believe. Pretend. He knew the difference and he knew that sometimes dreams seemed like real-life, but you had to shake yourself free and bring yourself back to Mum, and Dad, and School, and Sunshine. 

All the scary things disappeared when the sun came up.

But not The Bunny.

~ ~ ~

The first time he had seen it had been in the middle of the night and at the time, it had been middle-of-the-night dark. Dark. So dark that CJ had almost believed that it was indeed, a dream.

Outside his window, sitting cross-legged with its back against the fence, was a huge pink, fluffy bunny. It had drooping pink ears and awful tennis-ball sized eyes that were as red as raspberry cordial. It was not like a rabbit, but more like someone who was dressed in a rabbit suit. CJ had gone to the window to get a better look and the someone-in-a-bunny-suit with the raspberry tennis ball eyes had waved at him enthusiastically. That was when he had seen the red splotches on it’s hands and feet. The Bunny opened it’s mouth and screamed into the night. It was like a million fingernails scraping down a million chalkboards. 

CJ had wet the bed that night. He hadn’t known that it wouldn’t be the last time he would see the bunny. Scary things disappeared when the sun came up. 

But not the bunny.

~ ~ ~

The second time was at breakfast the next day, Good Friday, when CJ was eating his cereal at the bench, listening to his parents bicker in their en suite. They thought he couldn’t hear them. The minivan was parked in the driveway outside the window and CJ had a clear view of it. 

He heard the gravel crunching and the dirty pink bunny came swaying up the path, stumbling here and there, a bottle in it’s hand. 

CJ was frozen with fear — he knew he shouldn’t be seeing what he was seeing — his held his spoon half way between his bowl and his mouth. The bunny looked up at him, head lolling. It waved. CJ didn’t wave back. 

The bunny cocked it’s head and it’s huge raspberry-red eyes stared at CJ. The splotches were still on it’s hands. CJ wanted to call for his mum or his dad, but no words came out of his mouth, and so, as the bunny tossed the bottle in the air and it smashed on the bitumen behind him, CJ felt the piss soaking into his school shorts. He wondered if anyone was going to save him.

~ ~ ~

The third time was the worst.

School. 

Big lunch. 

CJ had put on his hat and eaten his sandwich and his sultanas. He kept his apple aside. Lunch was always the best part of the day. School was good, but he found himself longing to be outside. Reading was good, but it was always better when he was outside and could feel the cool breeze and the bright sun on his face. 

His best friend was Sammy — big, burly, brown and blonde — Sammy was CJ’s anchor. They mock-wrestled on the oval; race each other from wall to wall; pretend to be Jedi knights; or go exploring in the bush beyond the far fence (which technically, was breaking the rules, but CJ felt safe if Sammy was with him). The two of them used their Big Lunch time to full capacity, and CJ loved it. He looked forward to it. He waited on edge for it.

But that day turned out to be different.

CJ sat on the bench near the fern trees. Sammy hadn’t arrived down from the sixth grade block by then. CJ turned his apple over and over in his hand — the bed wetting stuck in his mind. He thought about it over and over like the apple, and felt heat rush up to his face. He wanted to smash the apple to pieces. He didn’t want to eat it — he wanted to destroy it. 

A screeching sound caught his attention. CJ looked up to see the pink bunny with the red tennis-ball eyes waving at him from across the oval. It’s mouth opened and closed oddly, like a fish from the cartoons. CJ tensed up and willed himself back home. He willed himself anywhere away from the bunny Anywhere. Even back to his bed where maybe he could be asleep and maybe this could be a dream and maybe the sheets would be dry.

CJ wished Sammy would come down for lunch.

The bunny was motioning him over, calling him across the sea that was the oval, but CJ knew better than that — strangers and candy and balloons and all of that stuff — he knew a threat when he saw it. He stayed right where he was on the bench and felt his hand tighten around the apple. 

The screeching sound of fingernails got louder and Louder and Louder and LOUDER and LOUDER and…

“CJ?”

It was Sammy. The big, brown blonde boy stood in front of him looking worried. Clancy shook off his fear and looked past Sammy but the bunny was nowhere to be seen. He looked down again, certain he would find his school shorts soaked with piss, but they were dry and his apple lay on the ground next to his feet, un-crushed.

“Wanna go read this new Spiderman comic I got?” Sammy asked. “I don’t really feel like exploring today.”

CJ nodded. The words he clutched at seemed to dart away too quickly for him to know what they were. 

Sammy always knew when something was wrong and he always knew when it was best to be quiet and not ask about those things. CJ was glad for that. He wanted to burrow into his friend. He wanted for there to be a space inside Sammy where he could hide — away from The Bunny. 

The comic was a good one. Lots of action and interesting bad guys and exciting moments where you didn’t know if Spidey was going to save the day or not. Or not.

The bell signalling the end of Big Lunch rang. Sammy put a good, heavy hand on CJ’s shoulder, but it wasn’t enough.

The Bunny was already back. 

It was waiting over beyond the far fence of the school oval, holding a red balloon. The awful thing was waving like a maniac.

~ ~ ~

After homework had been assigned and school let out, CJ was sure he would be ambushed as soon as he stepped out of the gate. Sammy caught the bus so he was all the way on the other side of the school — useless. 

CJ loitered near one of the thick cemented gate posts and prayed for his mum to be early.

And by some miracle, she was.

“Clancy!” she called from the car, “c’mon cutie, I’m parked in the loading zone. Quick quick!”

CJ felt relief wash over him like a warm bath. Nothing mattered as he sprinted to the car — not the wet bed, not the cold fear, not the red balloon — nothing. He was home-free and it was the best feeling he could remember ever having.

“Good day kiddo?” his mum asked.

CJ tossed his school pack onto the floor and buckled himself into his seat. “Sammy had a new Spiderman comic. It was awesome!”

His mum laughed and pulled the car out into school traffic. Everything felt better.

~ ~ ~

When they got home they found his dad asleep on the couch, and CJ’s mum held a finger to her lips —  quiet. 

CJ did his homework on the kitchen bench even though tomorrow was a holiday. It was easy, just some simple math and a few word game but it was a nice distraction to waste away the time until dinner.

When his dad roused it was, as always, funny to CJ. The big man would blink his eyes open lazily, and look around as if nothing made sense; as if nothing was the right way up or the right way round. CJ knew the feeling but he never imagined his dad could feel the same way as he did.

His dad spoke to his mum. “There’s a roast in the freezer baby. If you take it out and let it thaw we can have it tomorrow for lunch.”

CJ kept his focus on his homework, he wanted to stay here in this moment with his parents forever. 

“Clancy my boy, did you have a good day?”

CJ nodded, but his dad persisted.

“So, I know your mother said the Easter Bunny wasn’t going to come tonight, but…”

CJ felt a jolt of terror at the thought — “You promised he wouldn’t come!”

His mum turned where she was in the kitchen, confusion in her face. “Clancy baby, what’s wrong?! Are you okay?”

CJ folded up his homework and slipped it back into his folder. “Sorry mum. I just want to go to bed.”

“Do you not feel well?” his dad asked.

CJ was desperate to retreat and hide under his blankets. “I’m just tired. I’m sorry about this morning.”

His mum looked hurt. “Baby, we aren’t mad anymore. The Easter Bunny won’t come if you don’t want him to, okay? We aren’t mad. We just…we thought you still believed in him sweetness.”

CJ kissed his mum and dad goodnight, and wondered what ‘believing’ really meant. In his room he closed the window and the blinds and the cupboards and the bedroom door — even though he never did that. He usually like everything open. But he wanted to keep it out. 

He wanted to keep The Bunny out.

~ ~ ~

When he woke CJ was buried under a pile of blankets and pillows and he was soaked in sweat. At first he was worried he had wet himself again, but he didn’t have the heart to check properly. 

He smelled something strong, something strange, like burning. Smoke.

Down near his feet, the bed dipped away suddenly. CJ’s stomach dropped out of him and he carefully pulled back the blankets.

Sitting on the edge of his mattress, smoking a cigarette, it’s big red eyes gleaming, was The Bunny. It was staring at him and had one leg crossed over the other. It’s mouth peeled into a wide grin. 

“Hey buddy,” it said in a low voice. The Bunny flicked ash onto CJ’s carpet and tapped a furry hand on it’s furry knee. “I hope you weren’t expecting me to hop around or anything.”

CJ felt the piss soaking into his pyjamas.